Are you looking forward to your Glory Days ... or are they in the past?
I've been mulling this over. Now that I'm 'of a certain age' do I have any Glory Days left?
The people who know me now, never knew me 'then.' And there definitely was a 'then.' Several of them, in fact. I've had an extremely full life. Plus, my definition of "Glory Days" has definitely changed.
I was young once. And, no, I wouldn't go back for anything. I have no desire to learn those lessons again. Of course, if I could go back - knowing what I know now - I would have those lessons under my belt, and could begin at a more advanced starting point. Wouldn't we all love that? Almost any starting point would be further ahead than where I began ....
And, no, I'm not about to tell you my life story ... well, maybe a little. I've made tons of mistakes, and I've learned enough wisdom not to splatter it all over Facebook. I had a Facebook page for about two weeks once. When I saw how completely inane it was I took it down immediately. I was flooded with 'friends' who weren't, games I didn't want to play, invitations I wouldn't accept, and a plethora of general and specific foolishness. Even as a child it would have bored me. Children had more going for them then. Serious parenting, for one thing.
I had an idyllic childhood. Very happy, always. I was a sensitive child, easily hurt. No one every really did actually hurt me in any way, but as I say, I was sensitive. I felt. I was a very tender child. I never heard my parents raise their voices in anger to each other; they kept whatever differences they had behind closed doors, away from the children. My parents lost their first baby, a boy - Robert - shortly after birth. I was born next, and then my brother less than two years later. We were best friends most of the time - as long as he did what I told him to do.
My parents were in the Christian ministry. I started playing the piano in church when I was six years old. Later I taught piano for about five minutes. I couldn't take it if the student wasn't an instant prodigy. I never had much patience. I do now. Oh, yes.
Ministers moved from church to church every 3-4 years back then. That was very difficult for me. Although I made friends easily, it was very traumatic for me to move and leave my old friends, but once the move was made I would soon move on. I was very good in school. Straight A's. It wasn't a particular accomplishment. It was taken for granted. I was a high achiever at everything, and I succeeded at everything. Until I grew up. And then I succeeded at almost everything. Everything but real life. No one had to press me on. I was highly self-motivated. Still am.
From my early teens until about 30 years old I have no idea who I was. I went away to a Christian high school when I was fourteen, went to a Christian college and did some post-graduate work. Even went to law school for a couple of years. But I knew the first week it wasn't for me. That first week we learned that the law and morality had nothing to do with each other. I knew right then I couldn't do it. I didn't really connect it to being a Christian at the time. I didn't really analyze it. Or anything else. I was in the top five in my class at all times ... if I cracked a book I was numero uno. But then law school became history. I quit and moved on to the next thing. I was six units away from a post graduate degree in computer systems analysis, but the more I thought about being called in the middle of the night to some corporate emergency .... so I left that.
All during that time I was working as an accountant. I had the presence of mind (amazing in retrospect) to prepare myself with a backup career, and accounting was it. I did it all my life. It was perfect for me, because my outside life was always far more interesting than my 'money' life. Life was fun. That's what it was all about. I had tons of friends. I lived in the Los Angeles area all during those years. I tried three times to get out of there before I finally made it for good in the 1970s when I moved to Stockton. Divorced, and with my precious son.
It seems I was part of the cultural problem. I contributed to that which I hate so much in our culture. It's painful to think about it. I was a spiritual fool. That's how we learn. Life is a test, you know. My husband and I have been married 33 years. I'm a fast learner. Just not quite fast enough. Every generation has its tests. My dear son has his. I'm very proud of him. He's a wonderful Christian husband and father - and son - despite my mistakes. The Lord is merciful, gracious, faithful, forgiving. He gave me what I wanted most - a committed Christian son who must struggle with his own lessons. No one is exempt. He, too, feels things deeply and is sensitive - although I'm not sure he would admit to it if he even realizes it.
Then I began to once again become very close to my parents. Then was when I realized that my life was lacking something very important. Commitment and obedience to Jesus Christ. Nothing in life had lived up to the happiness I had known as a child. I was very naive about life, really. Although no one would have said so - including me. Especially me.
My only brother was killed by a drunk driver the week before he was scheduled to leave for Viet Nam. I've always wondered what impact that had on my life. I was devastated. At the time - and much more so now - we believed that the Lord had spared him from something.
Okay. The Glory Days. Life became more serious after Jerry died. That's when this urgency began to sprout within my soul. I had to work for both of us now. I had to be an only child and make it up to my parents for losing two sons. (And the Lord left the likes of me here?! That was my thinking.) My enemy was time because I had a lot to do. I still do. I hate to waste a single minute. The worst thing in the world for me is to be stuck some place where I can't accomplish something I need to DO. Only very interesting conversations, ideas, people, books, etc. will hold my attention. But the dichotomy is that I find almost everyone fascinating. I want to know more about almost everyone I meet. I love people. I want to know what's inside each person. I don't care about the trivia. Who are you?
I am not a person who can "rest" or engage in small talk or watch TV. I'm too pressed for time. I have things to do. Or to think about. Thinking is accomplishing, in Carole's World. When I'm so exhausted I can't hold my head up, that's when I go to bed and rest ... it never takes me more than 60 seconds to fall asleep (I'm completely serious here). If it did, I'd get up again. I sleep very soundly, and when I wake up, I'm finished sleeping. That job is now done! I bounce out of bed and get going. Sometimes all my parts aren't coordinated yet and I get ahead of my body those first couple of minutes, but I keep moving. There are things to do.
I'll never get it all done before the Lord gets here. I fit more into one day than some people fit into a week. I'm not saying it's a trait to be desired. I'm just saying that's the way it is. I love to be home by myself. It's a real luxury because I have no interruptions. It's 100% quality time - getting things done, read, written, listed, researched, prayed. I converse with the Lord all day. Really. And He keeps giving me ideas of things to do. I live under constant pressure, and I love it. The older I get, the faster the time flies, the more pressure I feel to finish. I'm the one you want in an emergency.
So what have I done with my life? Not nearly enough. Sometimes people look at a person like me, someone they don't really know well, and they make the mistake of thinking that person has a perfect life, etc., etc. Never do that. Consciously avoid it. That is a fantasy you dream up in your own head. Every single one of us is born a sinner. We are all seriously flawed. Some are able to hide it more effectively! Every one of us has failed many, many times. Otherwise, we would never learn anything! We would end up where we started out - and that is not the plan! Always keep your eyes on Jesus, never on other people. If you could follow that person around, he or she would certainly disappoint you before the day was over. And the person you admire the most would disappoint you the most. Trust me on this. They won't tell you about all their failures ... and neither will I.
I raised a family (more than one, actually), was active in church, traveled on the road with a gospel music group on weekends for 15 years (my son played drums and things), played the piano for First Baptist Church in Stockton and other churches, painted, wrote, was a member of Concerned Women For America and spoke at numerous churches warning about this very evil culture that was being birthed at that time (few paid attention), provided information on all the cultural issues to pastors and churches. My husband and I did financial seminars for 20 years. We taught at colleges evenings and Saturdays.
My parents lived with us for ten years, and we loved it. The four of us - plus kids and grandkids - had wonderful holidays, great meals every Sunday after church for years, great discussions of the Bible, the Christian life, you name it. We trained our children in The Way they should go - and not all of them are following those 'old paths.' Most of them don't want to even hear about it, and we had to make the hard choices the Bible talks about in the last days. We had to make the right choices. We have followed the Instruction Book as best we knew how. We can sympathize with others who have 'been there' or who are there now. We spend a lot of time listening (that falls into my category of 'doing things,' 'getting things done'). It's quality time. We want to serve the Lord; we want to serve His people. We want to be of help where people are really looking for help. Not everyone is ...
There is much, much more. But whatever glory there has been in the past pales in comparison to the glory we anticipate in the near future. That would be the heavenly Glory in the heavenly City, getting our instructions at the heavenly Throne.
That is what drives me. That is why time is of the essence. There is a heated battle going on right now. You can't see it with physical eyes. You can see the results of it, however. And soon you will see it in this reality.
This is why there is no time to waste. For we are in a race, you see. I have personally been in that race for many years. I'm just beginning to feel a little frayed around the edges ... I've noticed that my body occasionally doesn't want to keep up with me when I'm awake ... but I'll rest later. As long as I'm above ground I have work to do.
If I can be of service, tell me how. Otherwise, please understand why I must move on. I can hear my Savior calling. He has things for me to do. This is my thinking, to paraphrase Paul:
Right now I must work - for the night is upon us.
I want to finish well.
I've been mulling this over. Now that I'm 'of a certain age' do I have any Glory Days left?
The people who know me now, never knew me 'then.' And there definitely was a 'then.' Several of them, in fact. I've had an extremely full life. Plus, my definition of "Glory Days" has definitely changed.
I was young once. And, no, I wouldn't go back for anything. I have no desire to learn those lessons again. Of course, if I could go back - knowing what I know now - I would have those lessons under my belt, and could begin at a more advanced starting point. Wouldn't we all love that? Almost any starting point would be further ahead than where I began ....
And, no, I'm not about to tell you my life story ... well, maybe a little. I've made tons of mistakes, and I've learned enough wisdom not to splatter it all over Facebook. I had a Facebook page for about two weeks once. When I saw how completely inane it was I took it down immediately. I was flooded with 'friends' who weren't, games I didn't want to play, invitations I wouldn't accept, and a plethora of general and specific foolishness. Even as a child it would have bored me. Children had more going for them then. Serious parenting, for one thing.
I had an idyllic childhood. Very happy, always. I was a sensitive child, easily hurt. No one every really did actually hurt me in any way, but as I say, I was sensitive. I felt. I was a very tender child. I never heard my parents raise their voices in anger to each other; they kept whatever differences they had behind closed doors, away from the children. My parents lost their first baby, a boy - Robert - shortly after birth. I was born next, and then my brother less than two years later. We were best friends most of the time - as long as he did what I told him to do.
My parents were in the Christian ministry. I started playing the piano in church when I was six years old. Later I taught piano for about five minutes. I couldn't take it if the student wasn't an instant prodigy. I never had much patience. I do now. Oh, yes.
Ministers moved from church to church every 3-4 years back then. That was very difficult for me. Although I made friends easily, it was very traumatic for me to move and leave my old friends, but once the move was made I would soon move on. I was very good in school. Straight A's. It wasn't a particular accomplishment. It was taken for granted. I was a high achiever at everything, and I succeeded at everything. Until I grew up. And then I succeeded at almost everything. Everything but real life. No one had to press me on. I was highly self-motivated. Still am.
From my early teens until about 30 years old I have no idea who I was. I went away to a Christian high school when I was fourteen, went to a Christian college and did some post-graduate work. Even went to law school for a couple of years. But I knew the first week it wasn't for me. That first week we learned that the law and morality had nothing to do with each other. I knew right then I couldn't do it. I didn't really connect it to being a Christian at the time. I didn't really analyze it. Or anything else. I was in the top five in my class at all times ... if I cracked a book I was numero uno. But then law school became history. I quit and moved on to the next thing. I was six units away from a post graduate degree in computer systems analysis, but the more I thought about being called in the middle of the night to some corporate emergency .... so I left that.
All during that time I was working as an accountant. I had the presence of mind (amazing in retrospect) to prepare myself with a backup career, and accounting was it. I did it all my life. It was perfect for me, because my outside life was always far more interesting than my 'money' life. Life was fun. That's what it was all about. I had tons of friends. I lived in the Los Angeles area all during those years. I tried three times to get out of there before I finally made it for good in the 1970s when I moved to Stockton. Divorced, and with my precious son.
It seems I was part of the cultural problem. I contributed to that which I hate so much in our culture. It's painful to think about it. I was a spiritual fool. That's how we learn. Life is a test, you know. My husband and I have been married 33 years. I'm a fast learner. Just not quite fast enough. Every generation has its tests. My dear son has his. I'm very proud of him. He's a wonderful Christian husband and father - and son - despite my mistakes. The Lord is merciful, gracious, faithful, forgiving. He gave me what I wanted most - a committed Christian son who must struggle with his own lessons. No one is exempt. He, too, feels things deeply and is sensitive - although I'm not sure he would admit to it if he even realizes it.
Then I began to once again become very close to my parents. Then was when I realized that my life was lacking something very important. Commitment and obedience to Jesus Christ. Nothing in life had lived up to the happiness I had known as a child. I was very naive about life, really. Although no one would have said so - including me. Especially me.
My only brother was killed by a drunk driver the week before he was scheduled to leave for Viet Nam. I've always wondered what impact that had on my life. I was devastated. At the time - and much more so now - we believed that the Lord had spared him from something.
Okay. The Glory Days. Life became more serious after Jerry died. That's when this urgency began to sprout within my soul. I had to work for both of us now. I had to be an only child and make it up to my parents for losing two sons. (And the Lord left the likes of me here?! That was my thinking.) My enemy was time because I had a lot to do. I still do. I hate to waste a single minute. The worst thing in the world for me is to be stuck some place where I can't accomplish something I need to DO. Only very interesting conversations, ideas, people, books, etc. will hold my attention. But the dichotomy is that I find almost everyone fascinating. I want to know more about almost everyone I meet. I love people. I want to know what's inside each person. I don't care about the trivia. Who are you?
I am not a person who can "rest" or engage in small talk or watch TV. I'm too pressed for time. I have things to do. Or to think about. Thinking is accomplishing, in Carole's World. When I'm so exhausted I can't hold my head up, that's when I go to bed and rest ... it never takes me more than 60 seconds to fall asleep (I'm completely serious here). If it did, I'd get up again. I sleep very soundly, and when I wake up, I'm finished sleeping. That job is now done! I bounce out of bed and get going. Sometimes all my parts aren't coordinated yet and I get ahead of my body those first couple of minutes, but I keep moving. There are things to do.
I'll never get it all done before the Lord gets here. I fit more into one day than some people fit into a week. I'm not saying it's a trait to be desired. I'm just saying that's the way it is. I love to be home by myself. It's a real luxury because I have no interruptions. It's 100% quality time - getting things done, read, written, listed, researched, prayed. I converse with the Lord all day. Really. And He keeps giving me ideas of things to do. I live under constant pressure, and I love it. The older I get, the faster the time flies, the more pressure I feel to finish. I'm the one you want in an emergency.
So what have I done with my life? Not nearly enough. Sometimes people look at a person like me, someone they don't really know well, and they make the mistake of thinking that person has a perfect life, etc., etc. Never do that. Consciously avoid it. That is a fantasy you dream up in your own head. Every single one of us is born a sinner. We are all seriously flawed. Some are able to hide it more effectively! Every one of us has failed many, many times. Otherwise, we would never learn anything! We would end up where we started out - and that is not the plan! Always keep your eyes on Jesus, never on other people. If you could follow that person around, he or she would certainly disappoint you before the day was over. And the person you admire the most would disappoint you the most. Trust me on this. They won't tell you about all their failures ... and neither will I.
I raised a family (more than one, actually), was active in church, traveled on the road with a gospel music group on weekends for 15 years (my son played drums and things), played the piano for First Baptist Church in Stockton and other churches, painted, wrote, was a member of Concerned Women For America and spoke at numerous churches warning about this very evil culture that was being birthed at that time (few paid attention), provided information on all the cultural issues to pastors and churches. My husband and I did financial seminars for 20 years. We taught at colleges evenings and Saturdays.
My parents lived with us for ten years, and we loved it. The four of us - plus kids and grandkids - had wonderful holidays, great meals every Sunday after church for years, great discussions of the Bible, the Christian life, you name it. We trained our children in The Way they should go - and not all of them are following those 'old paths.' Most of them don't want to even hear about it, and we had to make the hard choices the Bible talks about in the last days. We had to make the right choices. We have followed the Instruction Book as best we knew how. We can sympathize with others who have 'been there' or who are there now. We spend a lot of time listening (that falls into my category of 'doing things,' 'getting things done'). It's quality time. We want to serve the Lord; we want to serve His people. We want to be of help where people are really looking for help. Not everyone is ...
There is much, much more. But whatever glory there has been in the past pales in comparison to the glory we anticipate in the near future. That would be the heavenly Glory in the heavenly City, getting our instructions at the heavenly Throne.
That is what drives me. That is why time is of the essence. There is a heated battle going on right now. You can't see it with physical eyes. You can see the results of it, however. And soon you will see it in this reality.
This is why there is no time to waste. For we are in a race, you see. I have personally been in that race for many years. I'm just beginning to feel a little frayed around the edges ... I've noticed that my body occasionally doesn't want to keep up with me when I'm awake ... but I'll rest later. As long as I'm above ground I have work to do.
If I can be of service, tell me how. Otherwise, please understand why I must move on. I can hear my Savior calling. He has things for me to do. This is my thinking, to paraphrase Paul:
For I am ready to be offered if necessary, and I sense the time of my departure is soon at hand. I am fighting the good fight, and with God's help I plan to finish my course. I am keeping the faith: I know there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will give me on that day: and not to me only ... but to all those who also love His appearing.
I want to finish well.
And that, my friends, will be ... GLORY FOR ME!
Yes, Indeed.
CMR
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