I have extensively researched the Bible translations, during which the Lord opened my eyes to the harlotry of the new versions. A word here, a word there. I use only the KJV now. Interestingly, there is a numerical structure to the words in the KJV which reveals even more of God's Word - I am not referring to the "Bible codes." I have studied this extensively. The newer versions are like a step ladder, each one being less of God's Word than the previous. This is another one of Satan's deceptions which many people refuse to see because what they learned in seminary differs from the truth of the matter. They refuse to see that the seminaries have been systematically infiltrated for well over 100 years. The truth is available; the Lord will hold each of us responsible for whether or not we accept it.
None are so blind as those who will not see. The newest version of "the Bible" is described below. This is what we have come to - line upon line, precept upon precept - but in reverse of what God's Word would have us know. Just one more satanic counterfeit.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~.
By Lee
Duigon
June 26, 2011
NewsWithViews.com
June 26, 2011
NewsWithViews.com
In conjunction with the New York
State Legislature’s passage of its new “gay marriage” law, a group of
progressive churchmen has released a brand-new Bible to replace the
old.
“By
‘brand-new’ we mean exactly that,” said Rev. Caiaphas Legion, pastor of
Squawking Idiot Episcopal Church in Sinkhole, Vermont. “All the old stuff has
been thrown out, so that we can have a Bible tailored to today’s
needs.
“Replacing
God’s word isn’t as difficult as you might think. You just get new words. We
have an illustrious panel of theologians, ministers, seers, fortune-tellers, and
yoga experts who have all been the recipients of continuing revelation for quite
some time.”
The
theological brains behind this new Nowadays Bible is Dr. Al Crowley,
the Simon Magus Professor of Theology at Grand Union Theological Seminary in
Mordor, New York.
“’Continuing
revelation’ is just that—God has continued to reveal things to a select group of
very with-it people,” Dr. Crowley explained. “I mean, why should God stop
talking to us 2,000 years ago? Did She run out of things to say? Heck, no! God
knew we needed a new Bible, so now we’ve got one.”
Although the
Nowadays Bible won’t go on sale until the first “gay marriages” are
consummated at New York City Hall, we have been given a sneak preview of its
contents by one of the panelists, Priestess Portia Gluesniffer of the Temple of
the Glistening Slug Goddess in Drivel City, California.
The
centerpiece of the New Old Testament, she says, is the New Ten Commandments,
reproduced below.
One. Thou shalt
have no other gods before me—unless, of course, you sincerely believe in them.
Then thou canst have as many as you want.
Two. Never mind
that business about graven images—thou shalt indeed worship the work of thine
own hands. I’ve completely changed my mind about that.
Three. Thou shalt
indeed take the name of the Lord in vain, whenever it serveth a good purpose.
But watch out for what thou sayest about women, gays, minorities, or the
fantastically wonderful people who ruleth thee! Otherwise thou couldst find
thyself busted for hate speech.
Four. Forget the
Sabbath day and don’t bother to keep it holy. I mean, really, who careth about
that anymore?
Five. Honor thy
two fathers or thy two mothers, or thy sperm donor, or whatever. After all, a
family is whatever anyone sincerely saith it is.
Six. Thou shalt
not kill, unless authorized to do so by an official government death panel.
Abortions also are a good work.
Seven. Thou shalt
indeed commit adultery whenever it pleaseth thee. In fact, since all imaginable
sexual connections are now permitted, it hath become impossible to commit
adultery. Enjoy the party!
Eight. Thou shalt
not steal, unless thou hast a majority in the legislature or a friendly judge on
the bench. Then thou canst steal anything from anybody.
Nine. Thou shalt
not bear false witness against thy neighbor, unless he standeth in the way of
social justice. Then thou mayest slander him right into the nearest re-education
camp.
Ten. Thou shalt
indeed covet anything and everything that is thy neighbor’s. Goodness
gracious—how canst thou run any kind of political campaign without whipping
people into a frenzy of covetousness?
“You’ll
notice,” adds Priestess Portia, “that God still likes to use a lot of the old
Bibly-kind of language. We think it adds dignity. We’re very much into
dignity.”
We asked if
there would be any surprises in the Nowadays Bible version of the New Testament.
The priestess answered with a twinkle in her eye. “I might as
well tell you,” she said, “because we do want people to be ready for it. What’s
new about our New New Testament is—no Jesus!”
No
Jesus?
“We had to
write him out,” said Portia. “He just isn’t inclusive enough. And if you read
the old New Testament carefully, you’ll find that Jesus says and does some
pretty hurtful and divisive things. Always telling people they’re going to go to
Hell if they don’t behave in a certain way—that’s just not Christian, is it?
Jesus really isn’t a very good example, and besides which, the whole Jesus thing
is just too male, not to mention heterosexist. So God told us to scrap the old
New Testament and put in a new one.”
But who will
take Jesus’ place as Savior?
“In today’s
diverse world,” Portia said, “there’s a savior for everybody. So the New New
Testament has woman and gay and Muslim and non-believing saviors in it,
something for everybody. The point is, ultimately, that each of us is her or his
own Christ. It has been revealed to me and several others that that’s the
direction Christianity has gotta go.”
As a last
tidbit, we were given a peek at the rewritten Golden Rule: Do unto
others, period.
“God knows
that one’s a lot easier to live by than the old one,” Priestess Portia said.
“And isn’t ‘easy’ what Christianity’s all about?”
© 2011 Lee Duigon - All Rights
Reserved
Lee Duigon, a contributing editor with the Chalcedon Foundation, is a former newspaper reporter and editor, small businessman, teacher, and horror novelist. He has been married to his wife, Patricia, for 34 years. See his new fantasy/adventure novels, Bell Mountain and The Cellar Beneath the Cellar, available on www.amazon.com
Website: LeeDuigon.com
E-Mail: leeduigon@verizon.net
ROYAL HEIR
Feel free to email me at: creyner@yahoo.com
Posts
